White Niggers
Chapter 37
Friday, September 6th, 2019, 21:15
Irmgard's flat, Felberstraße 4, 15th district of Vienna
"So, what do you think?" Irmgard says.
If I continue, I may ruin my chances with Lisa, Timur thinks. If I haven't already. Lisa may sense this kind of stuff, and even if she doesn't, I won't lie to her.
"Hmm," Timur says. "I can't do it like this… and there is nowhere to do it."
How did you let Zoe drag yourself into this mess? Timur thinks. "Mess" being both figurative and literal.
"There is the couch," Irmgard says. "If you open it, it will expand and get bigger."
"Thanks, but I'll pass," Timur says. "I don't think it's–"
Irmgard lets out a fart that would make Peter Griffin jealous. Timur cannot help himself any longer. He starts to laugh.
"That could happen to anybody!" Irmgard says.
"You are the first woman to whom it happened in this condition," Timur says. "I mean, this is hilarious. This is 'Monty Python' material."
"You are very judgmental…" Irmgard says. "What's your name again?"
"Doesn't matter," Timur says.
He stands up and goes for the door.
"You don't want me?" Irmgard says.
She follows him, still naked. Timur is silent. He manages to suppress his laughter.
"If you are so picky about women, you will end up alone!" Irmgard says.
"It's better to be alone than with a woman who offers herself to a man whose name she doesn't know," Timur says.
"No one will ever date you if keep that machismo attitude," Irmgard says. "Unless you are famous or rich."
She picks up the bathrobe, puts it on and is now shaking off dust from the bathrobe.
"You mean, my standards are too high?" Timur says.
"Right," Irmgard says. "You don't know your place."
She ties her bathrobe.
"So I should try to get along with more accessible women?" Timur says. "Is this what you mean?"
"Duh!" Irmgard says.
"It would be stupid, if I settled with a low-end woman before trying to get a high-end one," Timur says.
"What do you mean?" Irmgard says.
"I will first try to conquer the One, a Woman with capital W," Timur says. "Then, if I fail, I will return to you and we will continue where we stopped. How about that?"
Her cheeks turn crimson.
"Get out of here!" Irmgard says.
"With pleasure," Timur says.
He leaves Irmgard's flat.
"Screw you, you Russian pig!" Irmgard screams.
Timur is walking down the stairs.
She knows about the jigits, Timur thinks. But she doesn't know that Russians and Chechens are two different nations. We are all white niggers to them, I guess.
He travels to the second district using the subway and walks down the street to his flat. He sees his Chevy van. He would not have it if he hadn't started chasing Lisa.
His phone rings. It's Lisa.