White Niggers
Chapter 18
Saturday, August 31st, 2019, 10:30
Audimax, university of economics, Welthandelsplatz 1, 2nd district of Vienna
It's about time I take the bull by the horns, Timur thinks. He is in the Auditorium Maximum, the university's largest lecture hall. It's a public lecture open to everyone, including non-students. Something about commercial law.
At the far end there is a stage with a desk. A man in a jacket is sitting behind it. A large screen behind him shows a slide about the network of regulatory agencies. Would be cool to watch "Death Blow" on this screen, Timur thinks. This room looks more like a cinema or a theatre than a lecture hall, with black wooden-paneled walls and black floor, and rows and rows of red seats.
Lisa is sitting down below. There are men to the left and right of her. Timur has too much adrenaline in his blood to make out those men. The important thing is that these are Lisa's suitors, and he needs to get rid of them.
It has to be done, or I'll lose my mind, Timur thinks. I need to figure out for sure whether or not me and Lisa have a future together. The van will be the litmus test.
But to get there, I need Lisa to go out with me, Timur thinks. During the last couple of days she didn't want to, said she has to work on her thesis. If a woman is in love, she will always find time. The question – in love with him or with that entity to the right of her.
He is shorter than Lisa and has dark, unkempt hair. Three surgical masks cover his mouth. He wears a T-shirt, suspenders, and glasses with thick frames. Didn't know they make such frames nowadays, Timur thinks. They look like were made in the 1950s. And the man looks like he went to great lengths to look as lame as possible.
If this creature here is my rival, the reason is a mystery to me, Timur thinks. She could do so much better. I mean, this person is the epitome of the crisis of masculinity.
The man slouches as if he's bowing to Lisa. He is saying something to her. She waves her hand as if shooing away a pesky insect.
The crowd of students begins to move towards the exit moments before the professor says the lecture is over. Lisa and her suitor walk together past Timur without noticing him.
Timur tails them. The man follows Lisa like a loyal puppy, and talks to her constantly. Lisa replies from time to time without looking at him. He puts his hand around Lisa in the region where the waist loses its proud name.
You've crossed the red line, buddy, Timur thinks.
Timur rushes toward them and puts the man in a headlock from behind. Lisa turns around and slaps the man on his cheek.
"Timur?" Lisa says.
"Hi, Lisa!" Timur says. "Is he bothering you?"
Timur tightens the headlock. The harasser makes coughing noises. He smells like the sewer.
"Yes, but please release him, nonetheless," Lisa says. "I don't want you get in trouble."
Timur lets him go. He runs away from them so fast his heels are a blur. In the process he loses one of his Birkenstocks. He doesn't stop to pick it up.
"Why would I get in trouble?" Timur says. "It wasn't me who harassed you."
The man runs past the guard who saw everything and is looking at Timur and Lisa. Lisa takes Timur by the arm and leads towards the exit.
"Let's just say it's an Austrian custom," Lisa says. "They don't like violence, even if it's justified."
They walk out to the Welthandelsplatz, a square surrounded by buildings of the University of Economics. Nearby, a roasted chestnut stand fills the air with a woody and smoky aroma. They sit down on a bench.
"Thank you, Timur," Lisa says. "That was very noble of you."
"Are you alright?" Timur says. "Won't he bother you?"
"No, you saw how scared he was," Lisa says.
Timur looks at the students walking and standing in the square.
"What were you doing there?" Lisa says.
"Well, how should I put it?" Timur says.
"Brutally honest," Lisa says.
"We haven't seen each other lately," Timur says. "I thought I go look and check out my competition."
"What kind of competition?" Lisa says. "Sorry, I don't follow."
"The other men who want to, you know, win your heart," Timur says. "And what I saw made me even more concerned."
"You mean that Brony?" Lisa says.
"That what?" Timur says.
"Some time ago, a toy company created an animated series about ponies. It was targeted at little girls," Lisa says. "However, something went wrong. The show did become very popular, but not among little girls, but among autistic lo… men."
"That guy isn't your boyfriend or something?" Timur says.
"You think I'm that desperate?" Lisa says.
"No, I–" Timur says.
"That I have such a bad taste?" Lisa says.
"Of course not," Timur says. "It's just… There were hundreds of men in that lecture hall."
"You don't think they are all my suitors, do you?" Lisa says.
Timur scratches his forehead.
"Aren't they?" Timur says. "Some of them?"
Lisa starts laughing. After a few moments she wipes tears of her eyes.
"You're quite an Othello," Lisa says. "That was a lecture! There was a professor on the stage, didn't you see him? They all came to listen to him, not to see me."
"So, you aren't seeing hundreds of Schwarzenegger-grade admirers now?" Timur says.
"Did that wannabe zoophile look like Schwarzenegger?" Lisa says.
She starts laughing again.
"Honestly, Timur, you shouldn't be worried," Lisa says. "Back there, everybody saw what you saw. But you were the only one who stood up for me. There goes your competition."
"I see," Timur says.
He looks at Lisa, then at the crowds.
"What's the matter?" Lisa says. "I see that something is troubling you."
"I want to see you more often," Timur says.
"I have to work on my thesis," Lisa says. "That's what I spend most of my time and energy on, not other men. That's your rival."
"Aren't you almost done with it?" Timur says.
"True, but there is something about it that doesn't feel right," Lisa says. "I can't put my finger on it. That's why I have to work more."
"Let's go out," Timur says. "Maybe if you unwind, you'll get new ideas for your thesis."
"Alright," Lisa says. "Let's meet today at 16:00 at my place."
She pats Timur on the back, stands up, and walks towards the university building.
After a couple of steps, she turns around.
"Considering what just happened, maybe it's me who should be worried about the competition," Lisa says.